How to use personality tests as a couple
Taking a test together can be fun and genuinely helpful, if you talk about the results the right way.
Updated 2026-11-04 · 2 min read · TraitMix editorial team
Pick the right tests
Start with the Big Five for a broad picture. Then add one or two relationship tests: love style for how you show care, conflict style for disagreements, and money personality if finances cause tension.
Answer separately, honestly
Take the tests on your own and answer as you really are, not as you think your partner wants you to be. Don't look over each other's shoulder.
Talk about results with curiosity
- Start with what surprised you about your own result.
- Ask questions rather than making statements: "Is that how it feels to you?"
- Name one thing you appreciate about a trait where you differ.
- Agree on one small change each, not a list.
What to avoid
- Using results as ammunition: "See, the test says you're disorganised."
- Treating a type or score as fixed. People change, and context matters.
- Reading a low match score as a verdict on your relationship.
A simple script for your first conversation
The first time you compare results, structure helps. Try this order, taking turns:
- “The result that surprised me most about myself was…”
- “The result that sounds most like me is…, because…”
- “Looking at your profile, something I really appreciate about you is…”
- “One difference between us that explains something we argue about is…”
- “One small thing I'd like to try this month is…”
Keep it to about thirty minutes. The goal is understanding, not solving every issue in one evening.
Which tests suit your stage
| Stage | Most useful tests |
|---|---|
| Early dating | Big Five, love style, travel personality |
| Moving in together | Chronotype, conflict style, money personality |
| Planning a future | Core values, money personality |
| Long-term couples | Retake the Big Five and love style to see what changed |
When a result reveals a big difference
Sometimes the comparison shows a gap that feels uncomfortable, like one person ranking security first and the other ranking it last. Resist the urge to debate the result. Instead, ask for a story: “Can you tell me about a time this mattered to you?” Differences become far less threatening when they come with a reason and a memory.
If a topic keeps turning into a fight, park it and come back after reading the five conflict styles, or consider a session with a couples counsellor. Tests open conversations; they are not a substitute for help when you need it.
Make it a ritual
Some couples retake the tests once a year, on an anniversary or at New Year, and compare how they have changed. Download the PDF report each time to keep a record.
Frequently asked questions
Should we look at each other's answers?
Not the individual answers. Comparing the results is enough, and keeping answers private makes it easier to be honest.
What if my partner doesn't want to take a test?
Don't push. Share your own result and what you learned. Curiosity often follows.
Can we do this with a new partner?
Yes, light tests like travel personality and love style are fun early on. Save values and money tests for when you are discussing a shared future.
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