Solve together: the collaborating conflict style

Solving together combines high concern for your own goals with high concern for the other person's. People with this style ask questions, look for the need behind each position and try to design an option that satisfies both.

It is often seen as the ideal style, and for big decisions it usually is. It does take time, energy and a partner who is willing to join in. Used for every small issue, it can feel exhausting.

You may recognise yourself if

• You ask “what do you actually need here?” in arguments
• You dislike quick compromises that leave both people unhappy
• You enjoy brainstorming options together
• You want to understand before deciding

What this style does well

• You find creative solutions others miss
• People feel heard when they disagree with you
• Decisions made with you tend to last

Blind spots

• You may push to talk when the other person needs a break
• Small issues can turn into long discussions
• You can assume everyone wants to analyse feelings in depth

With other styles

With a step back partner, offer a break first and a clear time to talk later. With a meet halfway partner, agree which topics deserve a full discussion and which can be settled quickly. Two collaborators make great decisions but should watch for overthinking the small stuff.

Tips

• Save full problem-solving for decisions that really matter
• Ask whether now is a good time before starting
• End each discussion with one clear next step

Frequently asked questions