How to find your core values: a practical exercise
Values are the quiet reasons behind your biggest choices. Knowing them makes hard decisions easier and helps others understand you.
Updated 2026-11-04 · 2 min read · TraitMix editorial team
Why bother?
When people feel stuck in a job, a relationship or a decision, the problem is often a conflict between what they do and what they care about most. Clarifying your values gives you a compass. It also gives you words to explain your choices to others: “I'm turning down the promotion because connection with my family matters more to me right now” is clearer than a vague feeling of unease.
Values vs goals vs personality
- Values are what matters to you: security, freedom, achievement, connection, enjoyment, meaning.
- Goals are specific outcomes: buy a flat, run a marathon. Goals can be completed; values can't.
- Personality is how you tend to act. A shy person can strongly value connection; an outgoing person can value solitude and freedom.
Step 1: Look at peak moments
Think of three moments in your life when you felt most alive, proud or at peace. For each, write a few sentences: what was happening, who was there, and what made it feel right. Then ask which values were being honoured. Being trusted with a big project might point to achievement; a long dinner with old friends to connection.
Step 2: Look at moments of frustration
Now think of times you felt angry, trapped or uneasy. Frustration often signals a value being blocked. Feeling suffocated by a micromanaging boss may point to freedom. Being upset when plans fall through repeatedly may point to security.
Step 3: Narrow it down
Write down all the values that came up, then group similar ones. Try to end up with three to five. If you find it hard to choose, ask: if I had to give this up for a year, how much would it hurt?
The core values test is a quick way to check your list. It ranks six broad life values in two minutes, and you can compare the ranking with your own reflection.
Step 4: Test them against real decisions
Take a decision you are facing and score each option against your top values. Values often conflict, for example achievement and connection, and that is normal. The point is not to find an option that satisfies everything, but to choose consciously which value leads this time.
Step 5: Turn values into small actions
| Value | A small weekly action |
|---|---|
| Security | Move a fixed amount to savings on payday |
| Freedom | Block one afternoon with no plans |
| Achievement | Set one specific goal for the week and track it |
| Connection | Call or meet someone you care about |
| Enjoyment | Try one new place, dish or activity |
| Meaning | Spend an hour helping someone or a cause |
Share them
Values become most powerful when the people around you know them. Partners who understand each other's priorities argue less about big decisions. Read why shared values matter for how to start that conversation, and revisit your list after major life changes, since values often shift. See can personality change? for more on how people change over time.
Frequently asked questions
How many core values should I have?
Three to five is manageable. More than that and they stop guiding decisions.
What if my values conflict with each other?
That is normal. Most decisions involve trade-offs. Decide which value leads in this situation, and look for ways to honour the other one too.
Do values change over time?
Yes, often after major events like having children, a health scare or a career change.
Try these next
Result types in this test
Security
Values stability, safety and a predictable life.
Freedom
Values independence, choice and room to explore.
Achievement
Values goals, growth and visible success.
Connection
Values close relationships, belonging and care.
Enjoyment
Values pleasure, fun and enjoying the present.
Meaning
Values purpose, ideals and making a difference.
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